Just some random images.

Actions

What really defines one action? Is it the intentions, effort or the results?  To start one must definitely have some kind of intentions to begin with or that’s not the case?

In life, things don’t always go your way and you make variation to your plan. Eventually, you get drifted off course and you let the flowing water carry you along with the flow. What does this prove at the end? Does it mean that the end result whatever it may be is nullified because there weren’t any intentions in the first place?

What if you put in so much effort in trying to achieve something? At the end of the day, you failed and it’s a one off thing which you can’t keep trying again to let it go right. Does it mean the effort is wasted?

To some people the results are the most important because to them the result is what people can see. Intentions are inside of you, as long as you don’t expose yourself by telling others the intention. Other than you who else can certainly confirm that that’s not your original intentions. Effort is what people can see and judge for themselves however not all the time effort can be seen as well.

I’m beginning to think. What if one doesn’t have any intentions/motive, just does whatever he wants, doesn’t care about anything and whatever that outcome may come out to, fills in that to the intention. It’s like working backwards what if using results one can justify the reason behind it. Of cause this is just a hypothesis but it seems quite an interesting concept.

Christmas !!

Its finally Christmas!! It’s time to celebrate and have fun. It also means the year is ending! Finally a new year is approaching together with a new beginning. Just some random thinking.

An enchanted spell

Beautiful yet dangerous

Comes and goes as the season change

Pure and white flowers falling from the sky

Nice feeling lingers however caution is upon me

A feeling of chill

Purity turns as it settles down

Without regrets

A friend of mine told me this recently that I should live my life without regrets but why does one mean by living life without regrets? Does it mean that I should let it all go, throw cautions and hesitation to the wind? I must say in my life there are many things I regret because either I was too careful or took too long to think or perhaps purely afraid of taking the risk. What should I do ? Should I change ? Does changing makes me a better person ? In due time I'll see. However it's hard changing ones thinking and behavior after all been doing it for so long. 

Enough ?

Ever felt that for some people there’s no such thing as enough or too much ? They just keep asking for more and more. They don’t know when to stop. They don't understand that they are irritating people around them by being this way. Of course there are people who don't mind being the one who is always giving and giving or totally don't care but for me it kind of irritate me maybe I’m easily irritable but that’s just me. For me I feel that there should be a balance you should know when to back off and realize when enough is enough. I can’t really fault anyone for it maybe it's just the way are you are brought up or its your environment. If you are like this maybe you should ask yourself what is enough and try not to go overboard.

More often than not when people does things they only think about themselves they never think about the people around them or how people will react to them.

Maybe we all should start reflecting, maybe I'm guilty of being one of this people myself. I ought to becareful of the way i behave and think too. However at the end of the day I feel that if caring how others feel around me causes me to be unhappiness I think I should just get away from them and move on. If one really take me as a friend they will try to know and understand my character if they don’t even bother to understands me they are most likely friends not worth having anyway.

When is a game not a game ?

Ever since the beginning of this year, I have been playing a game called Kingdoms at War. It’s an IPhone text base game. Initially I played it because of my long time friend he’s a very good friend of mine since poly days. Anyway the initial phase of the game was very fun I think I got at least 5-6 real life friend who is playing it together with me. Together we grew stronger, got to know more people and eventually build a clan of our own.  The game at that time to me was about growing stronger looking at those leaderboard players with insane amount of gold made me always asked myself when will I ever be like them. Our start of our KaW was by no means easy, our first obstacle was foxes at that time we were one of the powerhouse clan. I wasn’t involve much in that war I must say but it’s still worth mentioning. I still can remember how my friend swipe 750(yes, at that time nobility was only 750 not 765 like now) one after another, growing at an exponential rate and fighting back the enemies. It was well quite inspirational for me.

However over time, people change, things change. Nothing is forever one by one my friends left KaW due to various reasons like studies, work, family or girlfriend. It was sad seeing them go one by one however it is inevitable. Nothing is permanent in this world. Some of the friendship between me and the people who left still continue whilst the rest were just left as memories.  Over time after my resets I managed to finally break into top 50. That’s when I realize that this game is more than just a game to me. It’s like a routine. My life is governed by the game. Every morning I wake up, check clan chat and shop allies. Throughout the day I would look at my handphone at least 30-40 times. Talk about addicted ? A game shouldn't be something so stressful and interferes in ones life. Especially during war times the amount of sleep I sacrifice and time I spend playing is like almost 24/7, 7 days a week. I don’t even have much time to do other activities in my life. KaW slowly melded into my life I became a fanatic. My aim is purely just to get stronger and stronger but after awhile interest in the leaderboard part of this game drop to 2^nd priority.

War and trading is actually the basis of this game without this 2 this game would be meaningless or would it ? Another aspect of KaW which I really enjoy is the social aspect this is like a MMORPG game you get to know REAL people from it and though KaW I must say that I got to a several individuals whom I take them as my good buddies . There are people in the game which I’m grateful to have known them though this game as if not for this game I would have never knew them. Ultimately I know deep down that no matter how much I enjoy the game at the moment it I know it will not  last me forever however I hope that though this game I can get something  meaningful after I quit. Which is true friends.  I wish that even after KaW our friendship will still remain strong. However that is still left to be seen.

Is trying hard good enough ?

Been thinking about this for quite awhile. Have you ever had a feeling sometimes that no matter how hard you try things just doesn't go your way or it doesn't achieve your desired results? I guess you felt this at some point or another. I'm constantly filled with this feeling that no matter what I do, how hard I try, things just doesn't go my way.
Let’s see. I feel in my opinion the person is more important than the actions. E.g If you buy a present for your parents let say just a cheap gift or something handmade. It could be well more meaningful then someone who is just their friend giving them something more valuable. Or maybe it’s like 2 guys like the same girl. Guy A tries very hard, does everything he can to make her happy and also creates time to be with her. However it doesn't mean that Guy B who just occasionally talks to her, hang out with her and does nothing out of his way wouldn't be able to achieve  better results than Guy A.

Of course I must say I'm guilty to such biases as well but well you wouldn't feel it if you are the one making the choice. Sometimes no matter how hard you try it's not possible to achieve ideal result because human mentality by default has certain range for various people. E.g. I like person A so Person A actions will have a multiplier effect and also a higher cap compared to Person B whom I just treat as a friend. (I’m not referring to anyone this is purely an example)

Ultimately I'll appreciate both actions however will respond differently. Sometimes a little appreciation or reciprocal actions makes one feels much better. Afterall all the things done are in good faith. Learn to show appreciation and don't take things for granted.

My plans , My life

Its been slightly over a year since i came out of National Service. Some thoughts of my time at Police (NS) I have learned alot of things during my time at Police. I have experienced many things most people couldn't ever experience in their life. Arresting shoplifters , Attempted Suicide cases , Insane person , Person with dangerous weapons and alot more. I also learned how to interact with different people and how to understand the mentality of people better. Even though i had fun during my time at Police I also had times of suffering. Most things in life comes together with something negative. Its the negative in life that makes the positive all the more sweeter to experience. Theres rarely a situation which this doesn't apply to.
Of all my cases people who attempted suicide interest me the most. It made me wonder whats the purpose of our lives, what are we suppose to do and what are we doing with it. Needless to say life is precious but have you not had the feeling of despair ? Ever felt that everything in life is going wrong ? Ever felt theres no meaning in life ? Well i have. But after thinking about it long and hard i came to a conclusion. You live for yourself. Only yourself , theres no such thing as you can't survive without anyone.
So what am I doing rotting my life away ? Since this year is coming to a close i decided on getting my act together next year. I will start my school and get my driving license. This is my top 2 short term goals atm. The rest can wait.